5 W's of Processing Conflict
a conflict processing tool & an inner healing tool
The 5 W's is a conflict processing tool designed to help you when you find yourself reacting in ways beyond what should have been natural for you and others, based on the situation. These extreme reactions can be visible to others or experienced only internally by you. When we find ourselves experiencing excessive emotional reactions to a conflict, we may need to take inventory of our hearts. What is really going on there?
Often we take our own side immediately when we have emotional reactions that are out of proportion to the problem at hand. We can easily blame others for our reactions without really looking inside ourselves. But these are clues that there is deeper stuff going on in our hearts than of which we are aware. This is when we need to sit with God, seeking His truth and revelation.
Begin this activity by inviting the Holy Spirit to be present, guiding you into all truth regarding yourself.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.'" - Jeremiah 17::8-9 NIV
This tool can be used in two ways: individually by yourself as you self-reflect, or with another person helping you self-reflect.
Prayer to begin this session:
"Holy Spirit, I invite You to come and release revelation of what's really going on in my heart. You who searches the heart and examines the mind, come and do so today, with me. Help me see what You see. I pray these things, in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen."
1. WHAT Happened?
What are the facts and just the facts (not your emotional response)?
This is where we gather the facts of what occurred. We want to get to the bottom of the problem but often our emotions cloud our thinking. We may think we are in the right but are we looking at things fully unbiased? Gathering the facts, and excluding the emotions, at least for this step, will be helpful at getting to the bottom of the problem that is bothering you. That problem could be unrelated to you, or it could be your emotions that are reacting to things unrelated to the situation or intensity of the problem.
2. WHY does it bother me?
What about this situation is bothering me?
Again, here you are trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Did the situation warrant your response or is there more going on behind the surface that you are aware of?
3. WHEN/WHERE did this take place?
Are there outside factors affecting me and the other(s) person, that led to this conflict?
Could the problem be related to where it happened or the time it happened? Location and time may affect us more than we know. There could be frustrations that are brought on by these that may be unrelated to the problem or tension you are facing with another person. You want to separate these from the actual conflict you are trying to resolve.
4. WHO are you in conflict with?
Would what this person said that bothered me, have still bothered me if someone else had said it?
5. WRESTLE with God
Father, is there any lie (ungodly belief) I am believing, that is causing these emotional reactions in me? Is there need for inner healing of a deeper issue from the past I haven't fully dealt with?
Ask God to reveal any lies you may be believing that have contributed to your emotional response. We tend to have expectations or even unresolved issues with a person that may have cause this conflict to be blown out of proportion. So it this really about them or about me? Was I triggered by something that ultimately is unrelated to the problem at hand? It could be something that reminds you of past hurt.
Unmet expectations are one of the top reasons for conflict. If that's the case, ask yourself and God, if your expectation(s) is reasonable or not. Sitting with God and asking Him directly for revelation into your heart and into your situation, is a powerful step to exposing what is really going on. Ask Him to reveal to you what you are suppose to learn from this situation - learn about yourself, about your expectations for others, and about past hurt that needs to still be dealt with head on in inner healing.
When you identify a lie you were believing about yourself, others, or God, you can then use this prayer to break partnership with the ungodly belief: "Prayer to Break An Ungodly Belief."