It's OK To Desire & It's OK To Hurt

Excerpt from BOOK: Inside Out by Larry Crabb

INWARD: The Inside Look The Seven Longings of the Human Heart

It's OK to Desire

The longings [we have] are legitimate and must not be ignored... To deny the longing is to neglect a part of me that God made. (see The Seven Longings of the Human Heart)

[My longings] reflect both (1) my Creator's wisdom and kindness in designing me with freedom, and (2) the separation between God and me introduced by sin. If we had never sinned, we would live with a wonderful realization of our part in God's world rather than a desperate desire to find meaning. My desire for respect is tied both to my fallenness and my humanity. Although my deep longings do not exist unstained by sin, it is still accurate to state that I want to be respected because I was built to matter...

But more than respect, I was designed for relationship. I want someone to be involved with me who is strong enough to handle everything about me without retreating or feeling threatened. [Yet,] most of us are terrified to be open with each other, not because we are afraid of hurting or discouraging people, but because we profoundly fear that others will retreat from us. We have to admit that the people we depend on are simply too weak to stay deeply involved once they face all that we are. We don't want to accept the fact that, since the Fall, no human being has the capacity to love us perfectly.

...we cannot rid ourselves of the desire to have what no one has given [—what no one can give here on earth]. We are dependent by nature. We require resources outside of ourselves if we are to enjoy either physical or personal life. We literally and absolutely need someone stronger than we are to look after us and to provide for us what we were designed to enjoy. God intended that we warmly respond to the loving strength of another, and what we were built to enjoy, we deeply desire. His plan really is quite simple:

Adam and Eve were to turn to God as the strong one on whom they could depend and then each other to both enjoy what the other uniquely provided and to give of themselves to enhance the other's pleasure.

We long for both respect and involvement, impact and relationship [to name a few of our deep longings]. We are thirsty for what our souls thrive on. In the desert of a fallen world, our soul is parched. We receive neither respect nor involvement to the degree we crave...

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to ME." - John 7:37

Every fallen person created to enjoy God is thirsty. But many—perhaps most—of the people invited [by Jesus when he spoke this statement,] were unaware of their thirst. Perhaps they had given up hope of ever finding satisfaction and had successfully turned their attention away from that ache inside. By focusing on other matters, thirsty people can sometimes become oblivious to their parched souls.

"If anyone is thirsty..." What did [Jesus] say next? ..."Come!" Neither deny your thirst nor focus on it. Christ's invitation to come to Him on the basis of perceived thirst grants legitimacy to the longings of our soul. It's OK to desire.

It's OK to Hurt

We long for what we cannot have until God arranges things to His standards. Nothing less than perfect relationships in a perfect world among perfect people will make pain-free happiness a reality.

The idea that it's OK to hurt is an obvious but important truth that imperfect people who were built for perfection need to grasp... We have all felt profoundly disappointed in every key relationship we've ever had. Therefore, we hurt... But when relief of the inevitable pain of living in a fallen world becomes our priority, at that moment we leave the path toward pursuing God. God's prescriptions for handling life do not relieve an ache that is not meant to cease this side of heaven; they enable us to be faithful in the midst of it. Sometimes, the path of obedience even intensifies the pain in ways that seem entirely unfair, and even unkind of God.

Facing the Pain of Life

Behind our irresponsible and sinful response to life is a commitment to eliminate the pain of this world. That commitment is nourished by the fear that facing the pain would utterly destroy all hope for happiness. If we are to preserve our life at all, we must relieve the ache in our soul that comes from unsatisfied longings. That's how we think. We're wrong, but when the pain of rejection, isolation, failure, and weakness begins to creep into our stomach, it feels like the approach of death. Our very survival seems to depend on numbing the pain and finding some way to feel better. Eating, memorizing the Bible, masturbating, cleaning the bathroom, joining the church choir—we've got to do something to avoid the paralyzing ache we fear so deeply.

...to work to at avoiding the experience of a certain amount of inevitable pain represents a denial of reality. None of us is fully enjoying what we thirst for. People let us down. We let people down. The simple fact we must face is this: something is wrong with everything. No matter how closely we walk with the Lord, we cannot escape the impact of a disappointing and sometimes evil world. A core sadness that will not go away is evidence not of spiritual immaturity, but of honest living in a sad world...

The promise of health and wealth is real - but it is not for now [—not for this world].

We long for what we were designed to enjoy: It's OK to desire.

And we want what we cannot have until heaven: It's OK to hurt.

partial song lyrics:

by Laura Story


When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not our home


What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

this world can't satisfy?