It makes a sense that a good place to begin self-examination is with our family of origin because it is the environment that has formatively shaped us. The developmental years of infancy, childhood, and adolescence have lasting effects on how we understand ourselves, others, and the world at large. The emotional attachment (or lack thereof) we experienced with our parents or caregivers sets us on particular trajectories. 

When examining how we've been formed by our families, it's helpful to keep in mind three categories—patterns, trauma, and scripts. [These] coalesce to negatively form us  in deep ways.

Patterns

Patterns are repeated behavior, practices, habits or ways of thinking that extend from one generation to the next. The importance of naming patterns is that it situates us in reality. The battles we face are not new. They often have been the battles of our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents... All of us have inherited positive legacies (i.e.: healthy love, management of money, the love of art, a commitment to joyful recreation, etc.) as well as negative ones (i.e.: related to workaholism, conflict avoidance, an inability to have committed relationships, etc.)... As we note the patterns from one generation to the next, we position ourselves for a shift in our self-understanding.  

What can further complicate these patterns is the reality of our surroundings, including our ethnic cultures, the large culture we live in, and our religious environments. 

Trauma

When I talk of trauma, I have in mind two sides of the same coin: getting what I didn't deserve, and not getting what I did deserve. In the first case, many people experience abuse (physical, sexual or emotional) or undergo dreadful periods of loss. These are painful, psychologically scarring moments that can last a lifetime. 

In the second case, trauma is experienced due to nothing happening when something might profitably have happened. In some homes, even though our parents or caregivers were always around, we never received nurture, warmth or attachment that we needed in order to flourish. Many families didn't know how to create environments in which we felt safe and seen. I find this to be a normal human experience. For some, the dysfunction was so normalized that they are incapable of seeing it. 

Each family has gaps, and sometimes those gaps unfortunately result in insidious ripple effects. When examining our families of origin, taking inventory of our trauma provides space for the Spirit to bring about healing.

Additionally trauma can be related to other experiences not directly the result of interpersonal pain...  

Scripts

Scripts are the messages we receive, the roles we are given, and the ways we believe we must live that have been consciously handed to us or subconsciously interpreted by us. Scripts can be related to a particular big moment in our history or the steady accumulation of little moments. When examining our family-of-origin formations, the naming of scripts provide interior revelation and positions us for the new scripts of the Gospel. 

Whenever the scripts of family origin surface, my soul needs to return to [the Gospel] truth. But unless I'm doing the work of examination, I will not locate the source of the wounded ways I've been formed.  

• TOOL: The Genogram (video #1 & Video #2) - This is one of the best tools for examining family-of-origin formations and to help us to quickly name areas that need to be healed. Using your self-generated genogram, look for patterns in your family (even less obvious ones), then reflect on your own trauma growing up, and finally, name the scripts you have unfortunately embraced in your life. 

To be anxious is to be human. But to be regularly shaped by anxiety diminishes our humanity. [There are] two types of anxiety: acute and chronic. Acute anxiety is situational and time based. It is a momemtary loss of self-composure and poise. Chronic anxiety is not specific to a threat. Any issue, topic, or circumstance can provoke chronically anxious people. Consequently, they have little capacity to step out of their experience, observe their own emotionality, reflect on what is happening, make choices based on principles, and manage their lives. 

It's normal to have moments of acute anxiety, but when our lives are chronically being affected by an undercurrent of anxious forces, we are in bondage. However, anxiety—although unpleasant—can provide us with the gift of self-awareness and healing. As we name our anxiety and its corresponding stories, we give ourselves the opportunity to rise above it... When we examine our anxiety, we can expose the power and grip it has on our lives in place of God's great love. 

• Great question to consider when identifying and examining anxiety: Who or what situations make me anxious?

The examination of our feelings as a whole is an integral practice for deeply formed lives. The processing of our feelings (a conscious perception of an emotion) leads us to lead more integrated in the world, yet it's a path many people find difficult. Many of us have grown up with rules about feelings... Many people learn to avoid, repress, or rationalize away difficult feelings. But we need our feelings to help us navigate our world as well as discern God's will.  

Activity #1 > Explore The Iceberg

• What am I MAD about?

• What am I SAD about?

• What am I ANXIOUS about?

• What am I GLAD about?

There are times when my reactions to people, moments, news, or experiences are disproportionate to the actual event... We all sometimes have disproportionate reactions to various encounters and experiences. The key is asking questions that are introspective in nature. As we make sense of our reactions, we position ourselves to experience greater freedom. We will also find that our reactions can change, limiting the negative effects they might have on us... Our reactions hold key insights for our transformation. 

Activity #1 > When I Have A Negative Or Disproportionate Reaction to Someone or Something

• Why am I reacting this way?

• What is causing me to feel this angst?

• Why am I so triggered by this person?

Activity #2 > When I Have A Negative Or Disproportionate Reaction to Someone or Something

• What happened?

• What am I feeling?

• What is the story I am telling myself (What is the negative narrative, the lie)?

• What does the Gospel say (What is God's narrative, the truth)?

• What counter-instinctual action is needed? (What does God want me to do?) - Seek Holy Spirit's help in this