Inner vows are deeply held promises, commitments or declarations we make to ourselves, often arising from a mix of fear, pain, and the desire to protect oneself from further harm, hurt or disappointment. These personal choices stem from past experiences we had that were difficult, painful or traumatic. We want to avoid such things ever happening again and so we put up walls to make sure of we are protected. 

By nature, an inner vow is a denial that God is in the picture as our Protector and Advocate and therefore it is a taking of things into “my” own hands as if “I” am the only one person in this world who can protect myself. They often involve rigid language like "never" or "always," and can be made consciously or unconsciously. Examples include "I'll NEVER trust anyone again," "I'll NEVER be like my parents," or "I'll ALWAYS put myself first." These personal decisions can shape our responses to situations and relationships in profound ways. They can inadvertently create rigid patterns of behavior and thought that limit our freedom and flexibility in how we relate to ourselves, to others and to God.

Breaking inner vows is a journey that requires self-awareness, intentionality, humility and reliance on God's strength and guidance. It requires a desire to see people and situations from God’s perspective, not from the limited human perspective we have. As you break agreement with these vows, you can experience greater freedom, as well as healthier and deeper relationships with people and God. If you suspect inner vows are impacting your life, consider reaching out to a spiritual advisor or counselor who can support you in this process.

Inner vows can create significant challenges in various areas of our lives, including:

• Rigid Responses: They create fixed responses to certain triggers, causing us to act on "auto-pilot," which might not be appropriate or helpful in a given situation.

• Reliance on Self: They represent a reliance on our own strength and judgment, rather than trusting God or allowing for flexibility. We are finite beings with limited experience, perspective and understanding. We need the infinite wisdom of God to live the abundant life that only he can give.  

• Blocking God's Guidance: They can prevent us from fully surrendering to God's guidance, closing off areas of our lives that might otherwise experience healing and transformation. We won’t listen to God in certain relationships and situations because in those contexts we take over.

• Emotional, Protective Walls: They build emotional walls that can distance us from God and others, hindering authentic relationships and personal growth. 

• Relationship with Self: Inner vows can lock you into rigid patterns of behavior and thought, limiting your ability to grow or adapt. When you have put up walls against a person or a group of people, your curiosity and attunement to them are no longer present. You have written them off and will no longer see them as safe or of any benefit to you. One big problem with this is that you are now judging a person or a group of people and believing the lie that they will never change. Inner vows can also foster a personal policy that will not reach out for help to anyone whom you have classified as a problem or unapproachable. Certainly for issues of real abuse, there is a need to limit or avoid contact completely. We do live in a broken world and the reality is we will hurt each other at one time or another. The problem really boils down to taking a person who has hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally, and breaking all contact, while you classify them as a person non grata. But the truth is we can work through, with others, these painful issues and come out wiser, stronger and with greater relational skills.  

• Relationships with Others: Inner vows can lead to rigid boundaries and defensive behavior, making it difficult to form genuine connections. They might cause you to withdraw, avoid vulnerability, or react aggressively to perceived threats. The biggest danger is that we may allow ourselves the right to be rude, mean or even downright evil to the person/people we have written off. In fact, the extreme version of this is when you have been hurt by a person and then you begin to judge others with similar qualities or characteristics as that person as if they also hurt you. Example: My ex-boyfriend and now husband have both cheated on me. From a place of hurt and a desire to self-protect, you might make the jump to a generalization that “All men are cheaters.” Clearly, this stance will cause you to stay away from or reject or avoid all men (half the population on the earth!).     

• Relationship with God: Inner vows are often rooted in self-reliance, suggesting that you can protect yourself better than God can. God is being dethroned as all-powerful and all-loving. This mindset can distance you from God's guidance and lead to a lack of trust in His plan. Walls of self-protection that you have erected against people, can likely lead to the ensuing reality that you no longer feel close to God. How can you love God when you don’t love the people He loves and died for (aren’t we all sinners after all)?

To break agreement with inner vows and their influence, consider the following steps:

1. Identify the Vows: Reflect on your behavior, reactions and thought patterns to uncover any vows you might have made. Ask yourself if there are any areas of your life where you feel a strong need to control or protect yourself. Look for rigid statements like "never" or "always," especially those rooted in fear or pain.

2. Acknowledge the Impact: Recognize how these vows have affected your relationships, decisions, your ability to trust God, and your emotional well-being. Understand the limitations and harm they've caused. 

3. Confess and Repent: If these vows have created a barrier between you and others, or between you and God, confess this to God and repent of relying on self over Him. Ask for His forgiveness and healing.This is an important step in breaking the hold of the vow.

4. Renounce and Release: This step involves consciously choosing to let go of the vow and its associated mindset. Renounce the inner vows, asking God to free you from their binding influence. Declare that you no longer agree with these inner vows. You can do this through prayer, asking God to free you from their influence, by seeking guidance from a spiritual leader, or working with a counselor or therapist. 

5. Replace the Fear and Lie with God's Truth: Replace the self-reliance of inner vows with truths from Scripture that remind you of God's protection, love, and guidance. Focus on verses that emphasize trusting in God and allowing Him to be your refuge and strength (e.g., Psalm 46:1). More specifically, find scriptural truths that counter the underlying fear or control behind the particular vow you have made. For example, if your vow is about protecting yourself, remember that God is your refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1). Meditate on verses that emphasize trust in God and His protection.

6. Seek Community and Support: Engage with a supportive community or trusted individuals who can help you stay accountable as you navigate the process of breaking inner vows and embracing a more flexible and trusting approach to life - a life free from your vows. Accountability and prayer support from others can be a powerful tool in this process.

7. Cultivate New Patterns: Begin to create new patterns of behavior and thought that align with your new commitment to trusting God and forming healthier relationships. This might involve stepping out of your comfort zone and taking small risks to rebuild trust with others and with God.

• Negative past experiences provide us with opportunities to learn from God the important lessons of life, which may include self-care and the establishing and upholding of healthy boundaries with others. But they can also become the breeding ground for inner vows, if we step out of our God-given call to control ourselves (self-control), and instead try to control people and situations. The inner vows you make will direct, in preset ways, albeit in ungodly ways, how we respond in the present and future to similar people and situations.

• Inner vows often includes the words "always" ("I will always...") or "never" ("I will never..."). They also include the word "I" because it is the personal decision made exclusively based on relying on self (self-effort) to deal with the issues rather than reliance on God. 

• It is a personal decision, rooted in pride, to take on the responsibility to protect ourselves as if "it is all up to me." It says, "God, if you can't, then I will." It is foolishness to think "I" can do better than God. You will end up carrying a weight too heavy for any human to carry. 

• "Inner vows cause 'auto-pilot' reactions such as flight or fight responses to painful situations." - Erica Ord

• Inner vows are birthed from bitter root judgments we have made  about a person (or groups of people) or a situation, as if these could never, ever change again. We would hate to ever be treated that way, so why would we do it to others? In this judgment, we are placing ourselves in the judgment seat of the all-knowing God—as if we know everything past, present, and future. A lie from the pit of hell!

• The making of inner vows are a reflection of the lack of trust we have in God to protect us; it is a statement that reflects our deceived perception of God as impotent to be able to bring about change in hurting/hurtful people and in challenging situations.  

• "Inner vows are misguided attempts to avoid repeating behaviors we reject or dislike in others or to avoid situations that we hate or fear (Such as: 'I'll never speak in public again!' or 'I'll never become a drunk like my father!'). They can be a way of trying to break generational patterns or correct our behavior in our own strength... the vow inadvertently puts all the burden of transformation on self  instead of upon the Lord and therefore blocks the one who vowed from being able to receive the grace (God's help) needed to overcome the behavior." - Healing Streams

• "When we do that, we are not allowing the Lord to be our strong protector, defender, and refuge (Psalm 46:1). He will never override our free will. He will step back and let us see how our self-protection strategies work (or rather work against us)." - Anonymous

• "Because of the binding nature of vows and the power of the will, this is not a problem the person will eventually grow out of, even if the original vow has been long since forgotten. Until these vows are broken and the person is loosed from them, they will always find difficulty in experiencing total surrender to the Lordship of Christ." - Anonymous

• Making inner vows cause a barrier to be erected, a wall of self-protection, that keep us safely away—but relationally distant— from God and others. 

• "Inner vows are like contracts or promises we make about ourselves. Inner vows will come to pass – whether they were intentional or not, remembered or not, voiced out or not. They represent us choosing our will over God’s and need to be revoked before we can experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit." - Jennifer Sum

• "In the midst of pain and suffering, however, we may make declarations about ourselves in an effort to avoid suffering in the future. Such inner vows, even the ones that sound positive, will stop us from submitting to God’s greater plans and blessings for us. We end up setting a trap for our souls through our own vows." - Jennifer Sum

• "Inner vows cause our hearts to become hostages to our past, even if our circumstances have changed drastically. Our souls cannot truly be free to follow Christ... They continue to work in our subconscious minds, long after our conscious minds have stopped thinking about them. They typically bring stress and block peace. If we notice that we feel 'torn' and our souls struggle to follow God, it might be worth asking the Holy Spirit to reveal if we have ever made inner vows that shut God out of some areas of our lives." - Jennifer Sum

• "You have also heard that our ancestors were told, 'You must not break your VOWS; you must carry out the VOWS you make to the Lord.' But I say, do not make any VOWS!... Just say a simple, 'Yes, I will, or 'No, I won't.'  Anything beyond this is from the evil one." - Matthew 5:33-37 NLT

• “Or suppose you make a foolish VOW of any kind, whether its purpose is for good or for bad. When you realize its foolishness, you must admit your guilt." - Leviticus 5:4 NLT

• "Come now, You who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring… Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'” - James 4:13-15 ESV

• "Don’t trap yourself by making a rash promise to God and only later counting the cost." -  Proverbs 20:25 NLT  |  "Be careful in making a rash promise before God, or you may be trapped by your VOW and live to regret it." -  Proverbs 20:25 TPT

• "But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other OATH... so that you may not fall under condemnation." - James 5:12 ESV

• "Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose." - Proverbs 18:21 MSG

• "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." - Matthew 12:37 ESV

• "You can rationalize it all you want and justify the path of error you have chosen, but you’ll find out in the end that you took the road to destruction." - Proverbs 14:12 TPT 

• "I know, Lord, that a person’s way of life is not his own; no one who walks determines his own steps." - Jeremiah 10:23 CSB

• "Thus says the Lord:  'Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.'” - Jeremiah 17:5 ESV

• "We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ." - 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NLT

• “Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” - ‭‭John‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬  |   “Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life.” - ‭‭John‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭NLT

• "I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed." - Ezekiel 36:26 MSG 

Two Bible Stories About The Problem of Making Oaths Haphazardly: 

• • Jephthah's Foolish Vow: Read Judges 11 (Judges 29-40 more specifically) for the full context of the story > "And Jephthah made a VOW to the Lord. He said, 'If you give me victory over the Ammonites, I will give to the Lord whatever comes out of my house to meet me when I return in triumph. I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.'" - Judges 11:29-30 NLT

  • King Saul Foolish Oath: Read 1 Samuel 14 for the full context of the story  >"Now the men of Israel were pressed to exhaustion that day, because Saul had placed them under an OATH, saying, “Let a curse fall on anyone who eats before evening—before I have full revenge on my enemies.” So no one ate anything all day." - 1 Samuel 14:24 NLT

• PDF: Common Inner Vows