Why This Practice?

In any relationship, there are times when someone simply needs to be heard, especially for those who often feel unseen, unheard, or undervalued. To meet this need and avoid dismissing or overshadowing what is shared, it’s essential to establish a new approach to listening. This method prioritizes the sharer, placing them in an honored position where they feel truly heard and understood. It also promotes healthy boundaries around sharing and fosters deeper connection and respect.

This simple, step-by-step guide promotes compassionate, attentive listening that strengthens relationships by emphasizing understanding and care. It ensures the sharer feels heard and valued without their concerns being overshadowed or redirected by the potential defensiveness of the listener. 

• 1. L – LISTEN Non-Defensively - Focus fully on the sharer without reacting, interrupting or forming a response.

  2. I – INVITE Clarification - Reflect back what you’ve heard and allow the sharer to fine-tune until they feel understood.

     • Paraphrase: “What I hear you saying is…”

     • Invite clarification: “Did I get that right?”

  3. F – FEEL & Acknowledge Emotion - Empathize with their pain and feelings by stepping into their perspective and recognizing and validating them.

     • Acknowledge: "I can imagine how this made you feel...."

  4. T – THANK & Respond Thoughtfully - Express gratitude for their vulnerability, affirm their value, and offer support or take action, based on their needs.

     • Thank them: “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

     • Affirm their worth: “I value you, and I’m here for you.”

Key Reminder: If you, as the listener, have a differing perspective, save your reflections and responses for a later conversation once emotions have settled and mutual understanding has been reached. During any L.I.F.T. sharing, prioritize empathy and focus solely on supporting and being attentive to the sharer.