When a person is bearing their heart or sharing a frustration with you, use the LACE tool to help them feel heard and to have their feelings acknowledged.
LACE
Listen > Acknowledge > Comfort > Explain
1. Listen
Listen well to the person opening up to you, with eyes on them and body language that is inviting and not closed off. Do NOT defend. Take in what they are saying and how it is affecting them.
2. Acknowledge
You acknowledge that you heard them by reflecting back to the person, in your own words, what you heard them say to you. This is a way to let them know that you heard them well and fully. In this step, the person may still need to clarify a little more, depending on how well you understood their situation and feelings about it. Listen well and reflect that back, again.
3. Comfort (Empathy)
In this step you put yourself in their shoes and imagine what that experience must have felt like for them. Then you share your compassionate words with them, or just hold them in an embrace, or do whatever they indicate could be comforting. (see example below)
EXAMPLE: That must have been really painful. I can see why you feel kind of stuck, unable to move on. It also helps me understand the anxiety that you are feeling because of it.
4. Explain
Finally, this is the part where you can give your own explanations, reasons, or perspective. This step best happens only after steps #1-3 are done well. Do not rush to get here. This tool is all about honoring the person speaking. It is not a time to defend or be reactive. You are bringing clarity and helping with miscommunication or misunderstanding.