CHAIRS: A Husband’s Need for Respect
A practical guide for couples who want to grow in Christlike love and connection
Acronym promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
(English • Español)
Embedded Files
Healthy marriages thrive when husbands and wives learn to express love in the ways the other can truly receive it. In Ephesians 5:33, God calls husbands to love and wives to respect—not as a hierarchy, but as two essential movements that complete each other.
The acronym C.H.A.I.R.S., from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, describes six areas where men commonly feel respected. Understanding these needs empowers wives to love wisely and husbands to grow in Christlike character.
Why C.H.A.I.R.S. Matters
Why C.H.A.I.R.S. Matters
It helps couples understand each other without guessing games.
It gives wives practical ways to communicate respect, which fuels a man’s heart.
It helps husbands identify their own needs humbly, not demandingly.
It creates a shared language that promotes peace, unity, and mutual honor.
It aligns marriage with Scripture’s vision of sacrificial love and respectful partnership.
The Six Elements of C.H.A.I.R.S.
The Six Elements of C.H.A.I.R.S.
C — Conquest
C — Conquest
His desire to work, achieve, and make a meaningful impact.
Men are often wired to build, fix, and pursue goals. When a wife shows interest in his work or expresses appreciation for his efforts, it communicates: “I see your strength and I’m proud of you.”
Biblical Insight: God placed Adam in the garden “to work it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15). This desire to create and contribute is part of God’s design.
Practical ways wives can show respect: Show interest in his work or projects—ask how something went, celebrate wins, and notice the effort behind what he does.
H — Hierarchy
H — Hierarchy
His longing to protect, provide, and carry responsibility for the family.
This is not about domination—it’s about a man’s God-given desire to shoulder responsibility and ensure the well-being of those he loves.
Biblical Insight: Husbands are called to lovingly lead by sacrificial service, not control (Ephesians 5:25–28). Respect looks like acknowledging his effort and heart, not perfection.
Practical ways wives can show respect: Let him know you feel safe with him by recognizing the ways he provides, supports, or looks out for the family.
A — Authority
A — Authority
His desire to be trusted as he leads and makes decisions with humility and love.
Respect here does not mean blind obedience—it means partnership, trust, and giving room for him to lead without being undermined.
Biblical Insight: God calls wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33) and husbands to lead as Christ leads—through humility, service, and self-giving love (Mark 10:45).
Practical ways wives can show respect: Tell him when you appreciate a decision he made, and speak well of his leadership in front of the kids or others.
I — Insight
I — Insight
His desire to feel valued for his ideas, wisdom, and problem-solving.
Most men feel honored when their perspective is taken seriously. Asking for his thoughts or acknowledging his wisdom communicates deep respect.
Biblical Insight: Scripture affirms the value of a man’s counsel: “A man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5). Respect invites his strengths into the relationship.
Practical ways wives can show respect: Ask for his take on something you’re deciding, and thank him for helping you think things through.
R — Relationship
R — Relationship
His desire for friendship, closeness, and shared experiences.
Many husbands feel most connected when their wives enjoy doing things with them—working, playing, or simply being present.
Biblical Insight: God designed marriage as companionship: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Friendship is the core of marital unity.
Practical ways wives can show respect: Join him in something he enjoys—watch a show he likes, work on a project together, or simply sit with him without distractions.
S — Sexuality
S — Sexuality
His desire for intimacy as a way of bonding, expressing love, and feeling connected.
For many husbands, sexual intimacy communicates acceptance, affection, and partnership. When approached with love and mutuality, it strengthens the covenant bond.
Biblical Insight: Scripture affirms sexual intimacy as a gift of covenant love (1 Corinthians 7:3–5, Song of Solomon). Sex is not merely physical—it is deeply relational and spiritual.
Practical ways wives can show respect: Let him know you desire him, be warm and responsive, and tell him that intimacy is meaningful to you.
How C.H.A.I.R.S. Helps Couples Grow
How C.H.A.I.R.S. Helps Couples Grow
Creates mutual understanding instead of conflict
Gives couples a clear language for emotional needs
Encourages husbands to lead with humility and purity
Helps wives express respect in life-giving, biblical ways
Strengthens emotional, spiritual, and relational unity
Honors God’s design for marriage
Page updated
Report abuse